The Pines

Bandit, SubZero, R, and Smudge zoomed into West Cadillac, Michigan and descended on The Pines. Yes, faithful readers, another blogging foray into the Midwest.

A quick turn off M55 deposited us into a large parking lot where it was immediately evident that The Pines was more than just an ordinary bowling alley. In addition to twelve well-manicured lanes, the structure also houses the Pizza Pub Restaurant, a Nightclub, and a Softball Complex. Bowling, pizza, nightclub, and softball all rolled into one, decidedly different than any Los Angeles bowling enterprise!

Let us temporarily divert from the review to explore an important bowling-related theme, the pizza-bowling connection. General premise, eating pizza while bowling seems like a fantastic idea. Using logic:

Rule 1: when you bowl you drink beer.

Rule 2: when bowling and drinking beer you get hungry, solution is pizza.

Combining Rules 1 and 2 we arrive at a Law:

Law: Bowling -----> Beer ----> Hunger = Pizza

Based on this law, it is logical that bowling alleys would serve pizza. Unfortunately, this Bandit has suffered supremely at the hands of various of bowling alley pizza. This suffering was due to the unbelievable rip-off pricing involved, as well as intestinal complications related to the consumption thereof. Typical experiences include ordering a personal pie only to receive a nasty, microwaved, mess of inedible crap. As a general rule, bowling alley pizza is disgusting. Nonetheless, natural temptation to order pizza while bowling remains.

Digression now comes full-circle: your Bandit was rather skeptical when SubZero suggested ordering birthday pizza from the attached Pizza Pub Restaurant. Was this some weird Midwestern birthday joke? A ruse by which coastal visitors are tricked? Despite misgivings Bandit acquiesced and we ordered a large pie with green olives, as well as a pitcher of the King of Beers. Your Bandit shuddered with anticipation.

Regarding the alley’s decor, the twelve lanes are decorated by panels of striped pastels. Full rectangular squares of similar color line the side walls. The muted purple, maroon, and yellow lend a Rothko-esque quality to the space. Lanes are equipped with a vintage Brunswick electronic scoring system, clearly outdated but in good working order. Some of the pinsetters were older and having difficulty, no matter, the bowling went on undeterred.

We considered ordering a $12 bottle of wine (The Pines serves bottled wine!) but re-upped the pitcher of Bud instead, just in time as the pizza arrived. Large semi deep-dish pie, filled with a healthy amount of green olives, crunchy crust, and a respectable mix of cheese and sauce. Bandit stared in confusion; it looked good, but past experience demanded caution. While Bandit paused, Smudge (as always) dove in with reckless abandon and boldly declared “Delicious!” Bandit remembered his hunger and chomped down a slice and then another. This was not just good bowling-alley-pizza this was good pizza! The crust was crunchy yet not burned, the green olives were bursting with flavor, and sauce and cheese just right. I confess, the pie evaporated from this planet in record time. Should you find yourself in West Cadillac this pizza comes highly recommended.

It was clear from the outset that it was SubZero’s night. Dude was chucking rocks and took home game high honors of 178 and 152. Prices run $3 a game, with $1.50 shoe rental. Lower prices available during off-hours.

Regarding the vibe, The Pines provides equal comfort for single dudes, families, groups, and forty-something adults seeking an evening escape. The music, via Touch Tunes Juke, provided fuel with Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer, Metallica’s Master of Puppets, Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit, and Kid Rock’s cover of Werewolves of London, played in succession. Lastly, as we were departing the attached nightclub was gearing up, clearly a hot destination for youngsters and single-moms.

Our summary, if The Pines is representative of bowling in Michigan, then sign us up. The pizza alone is reason to visit weekly.

The Pines

5992 E M55

Cadillac, MI 49601

(231) 775-7752