The Pines

Bandit, SubZero, R, and Smudge zoomed into West Cadillac, Michigan and descended on The Pines. Yes, faithful readers, another blogging foray into the Midwest.

A quick turn off M55 deposited us into a large parking lot where it was immediately evident that The Pines was more than just an ordinary bowling alley. In addition to twelve well-manicured lanes, the structure also houses the Pizza Pub Restaurant, a Nightclub, and a Softball Complex. Bowling, pizza, nightclub, and softball all rolled into one, decidedly different than any Los Angeles bowling enterprise!

Let us temporarily divert from the review to explore an important bowling-related theme, the pizza-bowling connection. General premise, eating pizza while bowling seems like a fantastic idea. Using logic:

Rule 1: when you bowl you drink beer.

Rule 2: when bowling and drinking beer you get hungry, solution is pizza.

Combining Rules 1 and 2 we arrive at a Law:

Law: Bowling -----> Beer ----> Hunger = Pizza

Based on this law, it is logical that bowling alleys would serve pizza. Unfortunately, this Bandit has suffered supremely at the hands of various of bowling alley pizza. This suffering was due to the unbelievable rip-off pricing involved, as well as intestinal complications related to the consumption thereof. Typical experiences include ordering a personal pie only to receive a nasty, microwaved, mess of inedible crap. As a general rule, bowling alley pizza is disgusting. Nonetheless, natural temptation to order pizza while bowling remains.

Digression now comes full-circle: your Bandit was rather skeptical when SubZero suggested ordering birthday pizza from the attached Pizza Pub Restaurant. Was this some weird Midwestern birthday joke? A ruse by which coastal visitors are tricked? Despite misgivings Bandit acquiesced and we ordered a large pie with green olives, as well as a pitcher of the King of Beers. Your Bandit shuddered with anticipation.

Regarding the alley’s decor, the twelve lanes are decorated by panels of striped pastels. Full rectangular squares of similar color line the side walls. The muted purple, maroon, and yellow lend a Rothko-esque quality to the space. Lanes are equipped with a vintage Brunswick electronic scoring system, clearly outdated but in good working order. Some of the pinsetters were older and having difficulty, no matter, the bowling went on undeterred.

We considered ordering a $12 bottle of wine (The Pines serves bottled wine!) but re-upped the pitcher of Bud instead, just in time as the pizza arrived. Large semi deep-dish pie, filled with a healthy amount of green olives, crunchy crust, and a respectable mix of cheese and sauce. Bandit stared in confusion; it looked good, but past experience demanded caution. While Bandit paused, Smudge (as always) dove in with reckless abandon and boldly declared “Delicious!” Bandit remembered his hunger and chomped down a slice and then another. This was not just good bowling-alley-pizza this was good pizza! The crust was crunchy yet not burned, the green olives were bursting with flavor, and sauce and cheese just right. I confess, the pie evaporated from this planet in record time. Should you find yourself in West Cadillac this pizza comes highly recommended.

It was clear from the outset that it was SubZero’s night. Dude was chucking rocks and took home game high honors of 178 and 152. Prices run $3 a game, with $1.50 shoe rental. Lower prices available during off-hours.

Regarding the vibe, The Pines provides equal comfort for single dudes, families, groups, and forty-something adults seeking an evening escape. The music, via Touch Tunes Juke, provided fuel with Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer, Metallica’s Master of Puppets, Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit, and Kid Rock’s cover of Werewolves of London, played in succession. Lastly, as we were departing the attached nightclub was gearing up, clearly a hot destination for youngsters and single-moms.

Our summary, if The Pines is representative of bowling in Michigan, then sign us up. The pizza alone is reason to visit weekly.

The Pines

5992 E M55

Cadillac, MI 49601

(231) 775-7752

Wenger's Bowl

Opening query: Is there ever a bad time to go bowling?

Travelling back-seat in a remarkably clean American made vehicle our party enters West Grand, an aging neighborhood just outside of downtown Grand Rapids, Michigan. Yes readers, Michigan! West Grand is situated on the western side of the Grand River, hence its name. We exit the vehicle onto a small, once bustling thoroughfare. Located on Leonard Street, tucked across from Advanced Auto Parts and Northwestern Home Furnishing, lies Wenger’s Bowl.

At first sight there is no clear indication that this establishment is an actual bowling alley. Los Angeles alleys are mammoth, gargantuan, stand-alone structures that demand attention. Wenger’s is the opposite. Small, unadorned, with a dive-bar like entrance, there is nothing delineating that a bowling alley is found within.

Your Bandit opens the door, steps through the vestibule, and enters the dimly lit space. Initial inspection reveals a small alley with eight lanes. The lanes are only a stone’s throw from the bar, separated by a modest dining area with tables for eating and drinking. A glance down reveals old laser-light carpeting from the early 80’s covering not only the floor but also the support poles holding up a second floor. Wait, Bandit’s mind spins, a second floor? I dart upstairs.

Eight identical lanes are situated in a cozy and welcoming space. These lanes are a replica of the eight below! There is also an intimate dance floor next to large windows overlooking Leonard Street, so you can boogie while checking out the action below. A double-decker bowling alley, your Bandit is bewildered, mesmerized, and awestruck. Bowling alleys like this simply do not exist in Los Angeles.

Upon inspection of the decor it becomes clear that Miller-Time is spoken here. A saturation of Miller, Miller-Lite, Miller Genuine Draft, and Miller High-Life posters cover the walls. In another new Mid-Western twist, Miller High-Life Light is on tap. As though the “champagne of beers” needed a lighter version...Bandit digresses.

On to the bowling, where the classic Brunswick Gold emblem with 70’s pattern holds the back wall. An above ground ball return and crisp lanes keep the bowling moving. Scores are tallied on first generation IBM green-screen computers, proving that Americans need not upgrade devices every three seconds to “keep up” with technology (written as Bandit spots no fewer than seven glowing MacBook Pros in the local coffee shop, of which one [wince] belongs to this Bandit).

As for the scores, your Bandit spent the afternoon in the gutter behind his Midwestern counterparts. Shout-out to R, who came within one mark of breaking 200! Tally of scores below.

A quick word about Wenger’s food, beverages, and prices. A number of delicacies are offered, all cooked up by the auto-fry machine behind the bar (none were sampled). A well-equipped Jägermeister machine serves straight shots ($4.50) and Jägerbombs ($5), which are a shot of Jäger plus a splash of Monster Energy Drink, for those who dare. Bud Light, Miller Light, Rolling Rock, Miller High Life Light and both Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy and Sunset Wheat are on tap, all at reasonable prices. Bowling games run around $3 a pop with shoe rental at $2. Unbelievable weekly specials include dollar-games and shoe rental on Fridays from noon-5p and again on “Wild Wednesdays” from 10p-close.

Our roundup, established in 1942 by Al Wenger this alley epitomizes the bowler’s dream. If Lebowski lived in Grand Rapids, Wenger’s would be his hang. Since its establishment ownership has changed a number of times and now rests in the able hands of AJ Purdum. As Mr. Purdum attests on his Facebook page, “Everything I have in life is because of bowling and I make sure I give back every chance I get.” With an ownership statement like that it is easy to see why Wenger’s Bowl remains a Grand Rapids institution.

Circling back to our opening query, the answer explodes forth with the resounding crack of ball against pins: No, there is never a bad time to go bowling.

Wenger's Bowl
629 Leonard Street NW
Grand Rapids, MI 49504
(616) 454-4482

Hours and Prices
Open Daily at 10am
Shoes: $2
Games: $1-$3